There's
a Spanish story of a father and son who had become estranged.
The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched
for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to
find him, the father put an ad in a Madrid newspaper. The ad read:
“Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on
Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father.” On Saturday
800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their
fathers. These 800
sons were looking for forgiveness and restoration.
Forgiveness is a supernatural
power able to bridge the gap between offended parties while restoring
fellowship through love.
Forgiveness. Just think about the emotions this word
conjures up. Imagine
Americans forgiving other Americans for years of segregation and
racism based upon skin color.
Visualize a guilty death row inmate being mercifully pardoned
because of life changes. Envision Yoseph graciously forgiving his
brothers for throwing him into a dark pit, selling him into a life
of slavery, and blaming his disappearance on wild animals. Imagine forgiveness restoring friendships
or relationships in your life.
This week’s Torah portion
provides an excellent example of the power of forgiveness. Just read the parasha and see how gracious
Yoseph is to his brothers.
While coming in contact with his long estranged family Yoseph
gains the upper hand. He
could really get revenge.
He is the person that the eleven stars, the sun and moon
are bowing to. Yoseph is the wheat sheaf that is surrounded
by the other stalks as they revere him. Yoseph is in the place of power in Egypt
and could act as the judge and the jury.
He could return “tit for tat” and seek revenge upon his family. Yoseph had been wronged and mistreated;
yet there remains in Yoseph a desire for restoration. Yoseph wants to forgive his family. Yoseph understands a few facts about forgiveness.
Forgiveness Fact # 1: Forgiveness
is absolution
There are several
words in the Hebrew language for forgiveness. The one most often used today is “selihah”
or in plural form “slichot.”
If you were on the streets of Israel today and bumped into
someone you would simply say “slichot” for “forgive me” or “pardon/excuse
me.” This word means a total absolution and
pardoning of the offense.
Slichot is also the name of a section of prayers spoken during
times of repentance and on Yom Kippur.
Because a person either sins against the Almighty Yahweh
or against another person, slichot is a two dimensional action.
Slichot is given either from man to man or from the Creator
to man. This teaching will deal specifically with
human forgiveness. In
Hebrew these sins are called “bein adam le-havero” or injury against
a fellow man. Interestingly these sins against other
people must be forgiven before forgiveness from Yahweh
is granted.
The Messiah’s comment on this
subject in the book of Mattitiyahu reflects the rabbinical teachings
of his time. “For if you forgive men when they sin
against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins,
your Father will not forgive your sins,” Mattitiyahu 6:14-15. The Talmud has several sayings that read
almost identical to this verse.
Both the person who has sinned and the person who has been
sinned against have an obligation to accept and give.
“All who act mercifully (forgivingly) toward their fellow
creatures will be treated mercifully by Heaven, and all who do not
act mercifully toward their fellow creatures will not be treated
mercifully by Heaven,” says the Talmud.
Forgiveness Fact # 2: To get
it grant it
To get forgiveness you must
grant forgiveness. Forgive when asked. That’s pretty basic isn’t it? Well, it is also pretty hard. When you’ve been hurt, when your integrity
has been questioned, when people are untrustworthy it is very difficult
to put the past behind you.
Yet you must. Messiah
Yahshua taught this when he told his talmidim to pray, “Forgive
us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.”
This parasha begins with Yoseph’s
brother begging for forgiveness and a pardon for his younger brother
Binyamin. “Y’hudah went up to him and said: “Please, my master, let your servant
speak a word to my master. Do not be angry with your servant, though
you are equal to Pharaoh himself,” Beresheet 44:18. Y’hudah and the brothers have realized
their wrongs and don’t want to bring any more grief to their father. Even though the brothers did not know
Yoseph’s identity, they approached Yoseph to seek a different outcome
than what has been determined.
The brothers could have treated Binyamin just like they had
previously treated Yoseph but they did not.
Instead Y’hudah offers himself as a substitute and proves
that he has learned his lesson. Messiah Yahshua taught that to get forgiveness
you must give it, “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone
who sins against us,” He said.
Forgiveness Fact # 3: It considers
other people
“Now then, please
let your servant remain here as my master’s slave in place of the
boy, and let the boy return with his brothers.
How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me?
No! Do not let me see the misery that would come upon my father,”
Beresheet 44:33. Forgiveness
brings harmony and shouts out “it is not all about me!” It wipes the slate clean, fixes the broken,
and reaches out in love. In
Beresheet 37:26-27 the very same brother, brother Y’hudah, who sold
Yoseph into slavery offers himself as a slave to Yoseph in order
to spare Binyamin (and Ya’acov).
Through this selfless act of substitution Y’hudah was actually
seeking slichot and righting the wrongs of the past.
Messiah Yahshua acknowledges this when He said “greater love
hath no man than he who lay down his life for his friends.”
The Talmud says,
“if you have done your fellow a little wrong, let it be in your
eyes great; if you have done him much good, let it be your eyes
a little; if he has done you a little good, let it be in your eyes
great; if he has done you a great wrong, let it be in your eyes
little.”
Forgiveness Fact # 4: It reveals
your true self
During the course
of events of this parsha Yoseph breaks into weeping a total of three
times until finally he can restrain himself no more.
“Then Yoseph could no longer control himself before all his
attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!”
So there was no one with Yoseph when he made himself known to his
brothers. And he wept
so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household
heard about it,” Beresheet 45:1 & 2.
True forgiveness does this for you.
It breaks down the walls that have been built over the years. It reveals what is hidden beneath angry
faces and harsh words. Forgiveness
brings to surface the pains of the past and acknowledges that wrong
is wrong.
Forgiveness Fact # 5: It is
a gift of unmerited favor
Yoseph
knows that forgiveness is absolution from the sin. So instead of punishing the brothers for
what they have done to him, Yoseph pardons them and embraces them. “Then he threw his arms around his brother
Binyamin and wept, and Binyamin embraced him, weeping. And he kissed all his brothers and wept
over them. Afterward his brothers talked with him,” Beresheet 45:14-15. Yoseph keeps the mitzvah found in Vayikra
(Leviticus) 11:18, which says, “though shalt not take vengeance
nor hold a grudge.” This
act of mercy, this act of forgiveness is not earned.
Forgiveness is to be given freely to a repentant person. It is not optional.
Slichot realizes that to “err
is human,” people will be offended. Just as Yoseph gave a huge tribute of
gifts to his brothers and father, forgiveness gives those involved
the gift of a new beginning.
With Yoseph and his brothers slichot brought hugs, smiles,
tears, kisses, and a fresh start. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever
grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as Yahweh forgave
you. And over all these
virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity,”
Colossians 3:13-14. Slichot
should put an end to bitterness and strife and help bring healing
to the family of Messiah.
Forgiveness Fact # 6: It reveals
the truth
While revealing his
identity to his brothers Yoseph is not scared nor is he slow to
remind them of their sin.
The truth is that they sinned against him. Just as Y’hudah drew near to offer teshuvah,
now Yoseph draws near to offer forgiveness. Please note that before forgiveness can
come there must always be teshuvah.
“Then Yoseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When
they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Yoseph, the one you
sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not
be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to
save lives that Elohim sent me ahead of you.
For two years now there has been famine in the land, and
for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But Elohim sent me ahead of you to preserve
for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance,”
Beresheet 45:4-8. While
Yahweh used the course of events in Yoseph’s life, what his brothers
did was still a grievance, it was still.
The truth is that Yoseph forgives
them of this hideous injury AND admits that it was from Yahweh.
While Yoseph had earlier interpreted many dreams, now Yoseph
is interpreting the events of his life.
What has happened has happened, the past is the past and
it cannot be changed. A person must be accountable and responsible
for their actions for restoration to take place. This might even mean humbling yourself
to admit a wrong you did or did not do.
This is the truth and the truth will set you free.
Top Ten Steps to Forgiveness
There was once an
old and wise Rabbi who was teaching a group of children about repentance
and forgiveness. As
he concluded his lesson he wanted to make sure that he had made
his point. The ancient
Rabbi leaned towards the children and said, "Can anyone tell me
what you must do before you can obtain forgiveness of sin?" There
was a short pause and then, from the back of the group, a small
boy spoke up. "Sin," he said. Sin, hurt, and pain can be erased, healed,
and forgiven through a proper understand of slichot and a proper
offering of forgiveness.
Whether you are a Rabbi yourself
of just an ordinary Joe there is much still to be learned about
forgiveness. Yahshua
said to offer this pardon even if you are sinned against seventy
times seven times. Yoseph
forgave his brothers. Can
you forgive your brothers?
To help transform all of this information into application
here is a quick inspirational list from www.topten.org. Give it some thought and give forgiveness
a try.
1. Understand
that forgiving does not mean giving permission for the behavior
to be repeated. It does not mean saying that what was done was acceptable.
Forgiveness is needed for behaviors that were not acceptable and
that you should not allow to be repeated.
2. Recognize
who is being hurt by your non-forgiveness. Does the other person
burn with your anger, feel the knot in your stomach, experience
the cycling and recycling of your thoughts as you re-experience
the events in your mind? Do they stay awake as you rehearse in your
mind what you would like to say or do to 'punish' them? No, the
pain is all yours.
3. Do not require
to know 'why' as a prerequisite to forgiveness. Knowing why the
behavior happened is unlikely to lessen the pain, because the pain
came at a time when you did not know why. Occasionally there are
times when knowing why makes forgiveness unnecessary, but they are
rare. Don't count on it and don't count on even the perpetrator
knowing why.
4. Make a list
of what you need to forgive. What was actually done that caused
your pain? Not what you felt, what was done.
5. Acknowledge
your part. Were you honest about your hurt or did you hide the fact
that the behavior hurt you? Did you seek peace by reassuring the
perpetrator that it was all right? Did you stay when you could or
should have left? If so, then you, too, have some responsibility.
(Here you start to move away from being a victim.)
6. Make a list
of what you gained from the relationship, whatever form of relationship
it was. Looking back you may be focusing on the negatives, the hurts.
Yet if they were repeated, you must have stayed to allow the repetition.
You did not remove yourself. Why? There must have been some positives
if you chose to stay around. What were they?
7. Write a letter
to the person (no need to mail it). Acknowledge what you gained
from the relationship, and express forgiveness for the hurts. Allow
yourself to express all your feelings fully. Do not focus only on
the hurts.
8. Create a ceremony
in which you get rid of your lists and the letter, so symbolizing
the ending of the link between you. You may choose to visualize
placing them on a raft and watching it drift gently away down a
river. You may prefer to burn them and scatter the ashes. You may
invent some other form of ritualized separation.
9. Visualize
the person you are forgiving being blessed by your forgiveness and,
as a result, being freed from continuing the behavior that hurt
you.
10. Now that you have freed yourself
from the painful links and released the pain, feel yourself growing
lighter and more joyous. Now you are free to move on with your life
without that burden of bitterness. Do not look back in anger.
